So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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