Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
