I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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