around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
