they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
