Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
