i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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