Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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