Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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