Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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