Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
