; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
