Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize