Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
