guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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