To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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