who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
