So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Rumble strips road head = magical
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
