I forgot how hot balto sounded
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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