is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i out mim tonsoeep
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