I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
