Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
