Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
