This gyro tastes like lonliness
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
