My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
