I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
