what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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