can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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