I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
