with your own penis?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
