I wanna bring you to show and tell
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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