My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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