I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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