Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
