census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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