I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
