dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
