life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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