did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
