She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
