The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
MIDGETS
????
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
