i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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