I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
