What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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