they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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