VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
