I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
