I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
