Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
