Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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