We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
