I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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