I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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