woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
