You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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