Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
