There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
In America we eat man semen.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry about my life...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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