somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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