I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
