I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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