I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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