pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
