weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
