I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
