We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
