We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
