remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
