My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
